Monday, December 27, 2010

Merry fornicating Christmas to you too

In my books, if I invite anybody over to my place, be it for friends for drink or some poor sods who have to work over christmas in order to help you with your oh-so-bad-back pain, please do not criticise their attire, especially since the latter group generally has no say in to their choice of cloth.

Envisage following scene:

(enter big person who has just got up from the toilet, walked through the bathroom door and is standing in front of us):

pain Pain PAIN! I can't walk, I can's sit, I can't even get up when I'm on the toilet. My back hurts. Really bad. Horribly bad. Do something. And what are you wearing? Is that your new uniform? It's horrible!
(enter the aghast, hollow and echoing mind of the flobach)
(enter the face.etc. motor control bit of the flobachbrain)
Right everyone, we need to pull up the sides of those lips, scrunch those eyes a little to get a professional and positive scenario going on here! C'mon muscles, get to it! And tell that voicebox to get some lame joke happening, pronto!
Sounds like everything went smooth? Yes, everything except for the trip to hospital.
I may have aimed for every gutter and pothole until we got there.


(and read this if you already haven't)