Wednesday, August 26, 2009


I could tell you about the seven jobs I did last night, about the shift extension, about starting early, about the car accident, about the chest pains...but I won't. Last night we had the strangest of calls...

Deep in my Rapid Eye Movement phase of sleeping, we had had just over an hour of downtime at the depot since the last call. All is quiet, all is peaceful, until BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP! a non urgent call comes through for us. I crawl out of my sleeping bag, stumble in to my boots and in to the ambulance.

My eyes are still dry as the sahara desert, and half glued shut. The world though my eyes is currently more of a reminder of those 'don't drink and drive' ads, everything is blurry and doesn't make much sense. Neither does the message on our little screen. "Patient hit with didgeridoo a few days ago, hand now hurts". Huh? What? Why? It's 3am! Our communications office calls us, apologizes for waking us up, and tells us that the call came from health direct, a phone line for medical advice. Health direct told them to call an ambulance, and so we must go. And we did go.

Pulling up in a nice part of town, we enter a not so nice house. And our patient has definitely hurt her hand, she has a fairly deep cut. And...there is something around the can't be, can it? They look like SALT CRYSTALS. The wound was absolutely caked with salt. We quizzed the family what was going on, and were told our patients sister had recently completed a first aid course, and wounds need to be kept clean, hence the generous application of SALT and...PINE O CLEAN. Yes, our patient had a laceration that was filled with salt and household cleaner.

Inside, I cracked up, on the outside, I gave a good hearty grunt of enjoyment to the world, as so did my crewmate. Mixed with disbelief.

I am still perplexed.

...and if you want to find out what the title of this post means, have a read here.